Asking for a better October this year would have been akin to asking the sun for more light. It was one of the better months I can remember enjoying more than any other in quite some time. The season started with an explosion of inspiration that crept its way into my music with such ferocity, I was often taken aback by how intense the writing sessions had become. Songs typically spill out of me in one of two ways, either they take time to find shape, or they are cast into the fires of creativity with their form fully intact. This album has been created by the latter, and will definitely show as the completion date finds its home sooner than expected. A gift I’ll gladly accept at this stage in the creation process.
Throughout countless days of Type O Negative led drives through the woods, and endless nights of horror movies, I worked my way through October with a level of curiosity that was seemingly lost over the years. Whatever bug I’d been bitten by had worked its magic in such a way that I even found myself compelled to write a classical piece for the upcoming album. A piano concerto with haunting synth layers accompanying the melody, to be more specific. Whether or not this piece will fit when the puzzle is complete remains to be seen, but the sheer fact that I was able to compose on that level has me wondering if there’s more at play than just a seasonal burst of energy.
Books have been by my side more than any other time in my life, and as an avid fan of them, I’d wager their words are doing a better job of sticking inside my head these days. I feel as if my life has been undergoing a silent shift into uncharted waters of comfort that left me long ago. A sense of purpose and clarity ahead that may be unknown, yet still a path I can tell is welcoming to where I want to be. There were a few years recently where I wondered how I would ever navigate through such stress and strain, but that all seems to have come and gone as quietly as the fog rolls away from my windows every morning. Whatever the reason, I need not worry about the whys and hows behind it, rather just accept it for what it is and move on.
My son asked me a curious question the other night before going to bed. He asked, “What happens if I die?” to which I had to stop and think for a minute how to respond. I asked in return, “What do you mean if?” and proceeded to explain that we are all dying from the moment we are born and beyond. Each day that passes, our bodies decay a little more, and our youth is stripped away from us as are the days we try to cling to with scarce hope and helpless anxiety. Surely I didn’t state these things in such words to a seven year old, but the gist of what I told him was that we are all saying goodbye to yesterday, and those are days we never get back, so no matter which day ends up being your last, just make sure you enjoy them all as much as you can while they are here.
It’s a lesson I learned late, but with great gratitude toward everything I hold close and all that awaits me. Sharing it with my son is just as much a gift as the peace he brings to not only myself, but our family as well. Life can hold many meanings for many different people, but here in my humble home, the meaning isn’t as worthy as the moments and memories it holds. Ones like this month of October, where I was reminded why I love this season, and this life that dances in all its ferocious inspiration.
